this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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