I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
