why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
