apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
