I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
