I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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