i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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