just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
