i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i barfeds in our rink
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
