I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
