i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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