My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
