I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
