It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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