you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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