I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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