It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
