something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
