Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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