My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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