haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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