fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
