you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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