dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
