can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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