I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
