Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
I would but heโs not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize