Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
