what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
