normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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