I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
