i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
