Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize