You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
