Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
