Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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