I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
