I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize