Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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