I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
