You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
