i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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