So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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