Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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