I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
