i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
