Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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