Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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