I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
