So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
