Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...