i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....