I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it