Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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