I think i peed on brittanys purse
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
