I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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