just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
