it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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