Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just want nice things and good sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week