They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".