it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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