DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.