guess who came home with a hottie last night
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day