this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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