I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
