I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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