fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
