***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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