all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
