have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
