Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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