Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
